Colorado

T H E   F O O L

Positive attributes : “My parents used to rent us a cabin in Estes Park. Once when I was a child, we walked to a waterfall, it was evening, getting darker and steeper. We felt something through the trunks, staring. Eyes glistening. […] I remember opening my own eyes. I remember not being afraid.”

Negative attributes : “Winding through the switchbacks, I wish I’d saved myself some energy and tossed him off the cliff. But lovingly.”

May 2016 : Denver, Colorado Springs, Crestone

Keywords : “Contentious. Conflicted? I was obsessed. Yeah. […] With leaving, documenting happiness with the right amount of shadow. Longing for someone far away, then going far away with that someone and cultivating a life. In constant opposition. Naive. Contentious.”

Life Situations : “We were listening to ‘Space Oddity’ with Eric from Israel on the way to Salida, blowing smoke out of my sunroof like an orca. Imagining the skyline was a series of Photoshop layers. Feeling rasterized. Um, holding hands with strangers in a prayer room and feeling unmoved. Feeling like I probably should have moved.”

In Reverse : “I still hold love for him, somewhere. Packed in boxes and in blog posts. All these mental photographs of the past — they’re my stories, my reasons not to be afraid. He’s a past ghost helping me through present traumas.”

As a Yes or No Question : “It was all muddy when we reached the peak, and a week later I was churning with sunburn in a frigid desert night. I dunno. It all exists on a dynamic plane, so. Yes.”

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